Rip apart my trusting heart,
throw it to the winds,
crush it into micro dust ,
start it all again.
Paint my world a crimson red,
like drops of kindred gore,
block the sun with clouds of black,
my pleading just ignore.
Blind my eyes with desire,
leave me withering on the floor,
you've had your fun now I'm done,
head on out the door.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Can't Be Him
Ali found himself woke up to a beatiful Saturday morning. As the exam was getting nearer, he decided he would spend the morning studying in the library. He got up and found his roomate Ahmad still sound asleep. The hostel was rather quiet, like most weekends.
Ali took a slow stroll down to the canteen for his breakfast before making his way to the library. He went to his favourite spot in the library and was determined to do what he was there for without much disturbances.
Just before Ali sat down, he noticed Ahmad was actually inside the library. He was only a few rolls of seats behind. As he could see Ahmad was rather busy with his own revision, Ali sat down without walking over to Ahmad. He just didn't want to disrupt Ahmad.
A few hours passed and Ali was too busy with his own work that he didn't really take note of the people around him. Then, at one point, his pen fell off the desk onto the ground. As he was bending down to pick up his pen, Ali noticed something strange behind him. He took another careful look and saw Ahmad, whom he knew all the while was sitting behind him. Nevertheless, the strange thing is that he had no legs.
"It could not be Ahmad! He was still sound asleep when I left the room," thought Ali.
He slowly turned around to take another look at Ahmad. However, Ahmad is no longer there. He felt a sudden surge of coldness inside the quiet library and he began to feel afraid. He packed up his stuff in a hassle and left the library. When he reached the hostel, he saw Ahmad, still in his pyjamas, brushing his teeth inside the washroom. Ahmad denied having been to the library at all that morning.
Ali took a slow stroll down to the canteen for his breakfast before making his way to the library. He went to his favourite spot in the library and was determined to do what he was there for without much disturbances.
Just before Ali sat down, he noticed Ahmad was actually inside the library. He was only a few rolls of seats behind. As he could see Ahmad was rather busy with his own revision, Ali sat down without walking over to Ahmad. He just didn't want to disrupt Ahmad.
A few hours passed and Ali was too busy with his own work that he didn't really take note of the people around him. Then, at one point, his pen fell off the desk onto the ground. As he was bending down to pick up his pen, Ali noticed something strange behind him. He took another careful look and saw Ahmad, whom he knew all the while was sitting behind him. Nevertheless, the strange thing is that he had no legs.
"It could not be Ahmad! He was still sound asleep when I left the room," thought Ali.
He slowly turned around to take another look at Ahmad. However, Ahmad is no longer there. He felt a sudden surge of coldness inside the quiet library and he began to feel afraid. He packed up his stuff in a hassle and left the library. When he reached the hostel, he saw Ahmad, still in his pyjamas, brushing his teeth inside the washroom. Ahmad denied having been to the library at all that morning.
The Roommate That Never Was
This incident happened at one of the higher education institutes in Kuala Lumpur. Sarah was recently granted admission into that institute. She was naturally all excited about it. It was the first time she left her home to live on her own and it would begin another new chapter of her life.
She looked forward to the registration day ever since she received that acceptance letter from the Registrar. With her baggage, Sarah arrived at the institute for registration and was assigned to a room on the top floor of the hostel.
As she was looking for her room, she started to wonder who her roommate would be and how is she like. She was all too excited, yet curious, as she walked through the corridors of the place she will spend the rest of her university life.
Sarah finally found her room on the top floor. She tried to open the door but it was locked. She was a bit disappointed as she thought if the door was locked, her roommate was probably not in and hence she would not be able to satisfy her curiosity regarding her roommate. She opened the door with her keys and walked in to see her roommate sleeping inside.
Sarah left her alone and started unpacking her things. It is then that her roommate woke up. They introduced themselves and started a short conversation. Ina was indeed a very pleasant girl. She has shoulder length hair with a rather fair complexion.
Sarah and Ina got along quite well for the rest of the semester. Nevertheless, Ina only showed up after dusk every day and she sleeps very little. To Sarah, Ina must have a well social life and she didn't give it much thought.
Everything was well until one night. It was a full moon night and the sky was all clear. The hostel was all quiet as it was very late then. The clock showed 3am and Sarah decided she should go to bed already. She asked Ina to switch off the room light and turned on her own reading lamp. Without getting up, the room light was switched off and Ina's reading lamp turned on. Sarah, already lying on her bed felt strange but didn't enquire further. She thought she was so tired that she didn't even notice Ina got off her seat. However, as she turned to look at Ina to say goodnight, she noticed she could see through Ina. She thought she was sleepy and was seeing things. She take another careful look and she realised Ina was transparent! Sarah began to have an uneasy feeling. She covered herself up with her blanket and soon fell asleep.
The next day, Sarah thought about what happened. She began to feel uneasy with Ina. She recalled how nobody in the hostel know about Ina and many expressed surprised that there is such a person living in the hostel after all. She started to think about the late nights Ina stayed up and how she disappeared by dawn only to reappear by dusk the next day.
Sarah went to the Registrar's office to check if she could find anything about Ina. The clerk told her she could not disclose any information about anyone.
After much persuasion, the clerk agreed to look up the files for her. She was, however, told that she was not supposed to have any roommate.
Sarah was afraid to go back to her room that night. She spent the next few nights at her friend's room and only went back to get her stuff in the daytime. Sarah immediately applied for a change of room and she was lucky to get it.
Nonetheless, it was still a mystery to Sarah as to the identity of Ina. After all, Ina has been nothing but a nice roommate. Perhaps, some things are better left alone for the truth may be saddening or....
She looked forward to the registration day ever since she received that acceptance letter from the Registrar. With her baggage, Sarah arrived at the institute for registration and was assigned to a room on the top floor of the hostel.
As she was looking for her room, she started to wonder who her roommate would be and how is she like. She was all too excited, yet curious, as she walked through the corridors of the place she will spend the rest of her university life.
Sarah finally found her room on the top floor. She tried to open the door but it was locked. She was a bit disappointed as she thought if the door was locked, her roommate was probably not in and hence she would not be able to satisfy her curiosity regarding her roommate. She opened the door with her keys and walked in to see her roommate sleeping inside.
Sarah left her alone and started unpacking her things. It is then that her roommate woke up. They introduced themselves and started a short conversation. Ina was indeed a very pleasant girl. She has shoulder length hair with a rather fair complexion.
Sarah and Ina got along quite well for the rest of the semester. Nevertheless, Ina only showed up after dusk every day and she sleeps very little. To Sarah, Ina must have a well social life and she didn't give it much thought.
Everything was well until one night. It was a full moon night and the sky was all clear. The hostel was all quiet as it was very late then. The clock showed 3am and Sarah decided she should go to bed already. She asked Ina to switch off the room light and turned on her own reading lamp. Without getting up, the room light was switched off and Ina's reading lamp turned on. Sarah, already lying on her bed felt strange but didn't enquire further. She thought she was so tired that she didn't even notice Ina got off her seat. However, as she turned to look at Ina to say goodnight, she noticed she could see through Ina. She thought she was sleepy and was seeing things. She take another careful look and she realised Ina was transparent! Sarah began to have an uneasy feeling. She covered herself up with her blanket and soon fell asleep.
The next day, Sarah thought about what happened. She began to feel uneasy with Ina. She recalled how nobody in the hostel know about Ina and many expressed surprised that there is such a person living in the hostel after all. She started to think about the late nights Ina stayed up and how she disappeared by dawn only to reappear by dusk the next day.
Sarah went to the Registrar's office to check if she could find anything about Ina. The clerk told her she could not disclose any information about anyone.
After much persuasion, the clerk agreed to look up the files for her. She was, however, told that she was not supposed to have any roommate.
Sarah was afraid to go back to her room that night. She spent the next few nights at her friend's room and only went back to get her stuff in the daytime. Sarah immediately applied for a change of room and she was lucky to get it.
Nonetheless, it was still a mystery to Sarah as to the identity of Ina. After all, Ina has been nothing but a nice roommate. Perhaps, some things are better left alone for the truth may be saddening or....
The Mirror
Special thanks Ms CP Lee for additional information on this story
Many people have the opinion that ghost does not appear on mirror because they don't have a reflection. And this, according to certain people, is due to the fact that ghost has no soul. However, some would argue that ghosts are merely souls without their solid form.
In my opinion, as long as the ghost appears solid, i.e., if they are not transparent, they should have a reflection on the mirror. Nevertheless, to a group of students, the argument of ghost having reflections on the mirror is not an important issue at all.
I have to point out that the following account may have happened in the school toilet itself although the initial impression I got was that it happened in the hostel toilet. Hence, in the story, I will assume that it happens in the hostel.
A lot of students claimed they have seen their reflections on the mirror becoming 'alive'. Everybody knows that when you turn right, your reflection on the mirror would turn left, and vice-versa. Nevertheless, the mirrors in this hostel would do otherwise. That is, if you turn right, the reflection, as if alive, would turn right as well. Many students and teachers experience that phenomenon but when they realised something was not right, everything would be back to normal. According to them, this phenomenon only happens when you are not looking exactly at the mirror and are not paying attention on it.
You may argue that it is mere psychological effects and that's what those who had experienced it thought so too, until they came together and realised that so many others experience the same thing.
Although this is not scary, the mirrors, or perhaps the ghosts, have another trick that would set their victims screaming and crying in fear.
One early morning, everyone was awoken by a loud scream of a girl. According to the girl, she bent down near to the sink to wash her face. When she stood up straight and looked into the mirror, she saw what made her screamed out in fear. She claimed that those drops of water on her face appeared as drops on blood. She thought it was her blood at that moment and yelled out loud. She rushed back to her room and told her roommate. Her friend convinced her it was only water but not blood.
By then, everyone has rushed out of their room and gathered around outside the girl's room trying to find out what had happened. One of them later told the housemaster about the incident. The housemaster said there is nothing he could do. However, he did not rule out the story of that girl as ridiculous and, in fact, he advised the residents not to go to the toilets alone. Later he told some students that the incident was unexplainable as it has happened many times in the past. According to him, it is better to leave the "thing" alone as any action may cause the incident to repeat itself even more often.
Many people have the opinion that ghost does not appear on mirror because they don't have a reflection. And this, according to certain people, is due to the fact that ghost has no soul. However, some would argue that ghosts are merely souls without their solid form.
In my opinion, as long as the ghost appears solid, i.e., if they are not transparent, they should have a reflection on the mirror. Nevertheless, to a group of students, the argument of ghost having reflections on the mirror is not an important issue at all.
I have to point out that the following account may have happened in the school toilet itself although the initial impression I got was that it happened in the hostel toilet. Hence, in the story, I will assume that it happens in the hostel.
A lot of students claimed they have seen their reflections on the mirror becoming 'alive'. Everybody knows that when you turn right, your reflection on the mirror would turn left, and vice-versa. Nevertheless, the mirrors in this hostel would do otherwise. That is, if you turn right, the reflection, as if alive, would turn right as well. Many students and teachers experience that phenomenon but when they realised something was not right, everything would be back to normal. According to them, this phenomenon only happens when you are not looking exactly at the mirror and are not paying attention on it.
You may argue that it is mere psychological effects and that's what those who had experienced it thought so too, until they came together and realised that so many others experience the same thing.
Although this is not scary, the mirrors, or perhaps the ghosts, have another trick that would set their victims screaming and crying in fear.
One early morning, everyone was awoken by a loud scream of a girl. According to the girl, she bent down near to the sink to wash her face. When she stood up straight and looked into the mirror, she saw what made her screamed out in fear. She claimed that those drops of water on her face appeared as drops on blood. She thought it was her blood at that moment and yelled out loud. She rushed back to her room and told her roommate. Her friend convinced her it was only water but not blood.
By then, everyone has rushed out of their room and gathered around outside the girl's room trying to find out what had happened. One of them later told the housemaster about the incident. The housemaster said there is nothing he could do. However, he did not rule out the story of that girl as ridiculous and, in fact, he advised the residents not to go to the toilets alone. Later he told some students that the incident was unexplainable as it has happened many times in the past. According to him, it is better to leave the "thing" alone as any action may cause the incident to repeat itself even more often.
Sepang’s Back Passenger
This story is told by people who experienced it ~
The Sepang road is one of the most commonly known highway to use as a shortcut between KL and Port Dickson. It was a dark and lonely drive along that highway towards KL. Me and my boyfriend was just making a holiday trip back from Port Dickson that very night when something strange happened. My boyfriend was driving while me sitting next to him being bored, took out my handphone and started playing with the camera.
I remembered particularly that it was really dark since there were not much road lights around. Playfully taking pictures of myself and my tired driving boyfriend, I suddenly spotted a women sitting behind our car. My eyes did a double take as I could see clearly her figure from the passenger’s side view mirror. Immediately my senses told me to stop whatever I was doing. My boyfriend suddenly sensed my hyper-activeness has ceased and queried me. I kept quiet and told him nothing of what I saw. Off and on through the road I could still see her sitting quietly behind us.
It was not until the brightly litted crossroad junction that I found out that she disappeared as mysteriously as she appeared. It was not only when we reached the busy KL highway that I told my boyfriend what I saw. I was afraid that I would have only frightened him out of his senses. Afterall, although I posses what they call as a “third eye”, it is only on very rare occasional reason I could see them. I could still get frightened easily as “they” always caught me off my guard. That’s only because “they” look no different from “normal” people.
After some months when I related this incident to my friends only did I found out that she was always the back passenger along the Sepang highway.
The Sepang road is one of the most commonly known highway to use as a shortcut between KL and Port Dickson. It was a dark and lonely drive along that highway towards KL. Me and my boyfriend was just making a holiday trip back from Port Dickson that very night when something strange happened. My boyfriend was driving while me sitting next to him being bored, took out my handphone and started playing with the camera.
I remembered particularly that it was really dark since there were not much road lights around. Playfully taking pictures of myself and my tired driving boyfriend, I suddenly spotted a women sitting behind our car. My eyes did a double take as I could see clearly her figure from the passenger’s side view mirror. Immediately my senses told me to stop whatever I was doing. My boyfriend suddenly sensed my hyper-activeness has ceased and queried me. I kept quiet and told him nothing of what I saw. Off and on through the road I could still see her sitting quietly behind us.
It was not until the brightly litted crossroad junction that I found out that she disappeared as mysteriously as she appeared. It was not only when we reached the busy KL highway that I told my boyfriend what I saw. I was afraid that I would have only frightened him out of his senses. Afterall, although I posses what they call as a “third eye”, it is only on very rare occasional reason I could see them. I could still get frightened easily as “they” always caught me off my guard. That’s only because “they” look no different from “normal” people.
After some months when I related this incident to my friends only did I found out that she was always the back passenger along the Sepang highway.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
White Lies Of Life
If there's a chance for me to go back ...and erase all the painful memories... I will definitely try to run for it ...
but how can it be? since you will never understand the sadness I had to go through to make you happy ...
where's the life you promised me ? The ones you told me that would be ours forever to keep ...
why did you leave ? Because long ago you said to me that you will never abandoned me ...
Is this the reward that you promised me ? Is this the life you wanted for me ? Is this the truth or just your practical jokes for me ? what is this ...
I'm not going to tell you how crushed I am about all this ... I'm not the one who should tell you that this is all wrong ... Because you want it ...
Because you're the one who asked for it ! Tell me something I don't know ! Maybe the love you hide, maybe the life you had before, or maybe a false truth you'd told me all this time we've been together ...
Why the hell you want me here ? If this is the end then why ... for heaven sake ! WHY ?! Is this a cruel joke or something that you made up just to fool around ? I'm telling you ...
I hate you ... I tried to tell myself not to but I guess my instinct was right all the time ...
You were going to kill me ...
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Letter For You
As for today, I would like to type some words for you. Today, I wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. For the faults I've done, for the tears I've shed & for the anger I raised. I was confused & I didn't know. I was looking for an answer, an answer that would put a stop to this madness we're creating. I was lost, I didn't know which way to go & I got lost in all the painful lies. I crashed & I couldn't get up by myself. I was hurt inside & can't seem to find a cure to make it better. I was losing everything yet I managed to tell myself ... " don't worry, just keep going ... it's nothing ... you'll be okay. "
But little do I know, I was wrong. I was an egoistic person. I don't want to lose. So I kept on running, running forward to nothing & leaving all the sadness behind. I was afraid, so afraid that the same thing will happen again & again. And I was right all the time. Somehow knowing that I was right wasn't such a good feeling after all. Because I was right about something that I wanted to avoid all my life, not getting near to it. It's not my my fault, it's not !
I thought I was a new person. I thought I've changed for the better & good. I thought I was strong. But I'm not, I'm not strong enough. I keep telling myself it was okay but it wasn't. Everything went wrong all at one place. Tears started to run down my cheeks. I couldn't help it. I was dying. I was fading ... and so I wrote this letter to you, to tell you how much I love you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry ...
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
My Hand
My hand, that's the title for this blog. Every decision that I make lies in my hand. Good decisions, bad decisions, it's all mine & only I who will make the ch
anges about it. It is not impossible that this hand of mine will rule the world one day, It is not impossible that this hand of mine will kill a person one day, and it is not impossible that this hand of mine will make a different in my life one day. However, I knew that whatever decision I made, I have thought about it clearly & I am aware of all the consequences that I might have to face some other time. Although I am scared that I might get into a big trouble because of what I have done.
No matter, it is my decisions, it is my hand. This hand has held so many grudges that it doesn't care to hold many more after this. This hand had been held by some worthy guys that it doesn't care to be hold by so many more. However, this hand will never let go of what it had been held for so long. It will never let go of what we called ' Love ' ...
anges about it. It is not impossible that this hand of mine will rule the world one day, It is not impossible that this hand of mine will kill a person one day, and it is not impossible that this hand of mine will make a different in my life one day. However, I knew that whatever decision I made, I have thought about it clearly & I am aware of all the consequences that I might have to face some other time. Although I am scared that I might get into a big trouble because of what I have done. No matter, it is my decisions, it is my hand. This hand has held so many grudges that it doesn't care to hold many more after this. This hand had been held by some worthy guys that it doesn't care to be hold by so many more. However, this hand will never let go of what it had been held for so long. It will never let go of what we called ' Love ' ...
Friday, April 3, 2009
I'm Sorry
I'm sorry, for I have committed the biggest mistake in my life. I'm sorry, for I have lost in this game that we called ' Love '. And I am truly sorry, for I have been hiding the truth from you since the day that you said you love me ...
It never occured to me that all this will happen by accident. I never thought that you will come into my life & make it wonderful for me to live in it. But I'm sorry, for I have done so many things that I never wanted to do & hid it from you ...
So many sorries I wanted to say, so many forgivenes I wanted to beg but so many time I failed to try ...
I don't know what to do, whether to tell you or keep my damn mouth shut ...
Still when I saw you smiling at my way, I knew I didn't have the heart to open up to you ...
I'm sorry my dear, I'm really sorry ...
No matter what happens, this love of ours will always stay strong ...
I promise you, I do love you ...
And nothing will change that even if one day ...
he comes to me and say ...
' iloveyou '
Monday, January 12, 2009
The Sister I Have
The sister that I have. In this blog, I would like to write about this young lady that I thought as a sister. Her name is Sara Hanum. We met each other when we were 9 years old. It was a start of something new for me when I met her. Deep down inside I knew that our sisterhood is gonna last forever, with God's will. From the 3rd grade until now, our friendship is still strong. Stronger than ever I tell you. I never felt so close to her like this before. But I realized that when she was around, I feel some sort of security and comfort. She's just like me but perhaps we have some differences. Well I don't care. When I needed her the most, she will always be there. When I wanna hold her hand, she will let me do it and she never cares what other people might say towards our actions. So do I, never did care. Because she's my friend, she's my sister. She means the world to me. We had our fights but we managed to settled it down. You might say we look like twins but you can tell which is which because as we both grew up, there are a lot of differences that we had. For example, our heights, she's taller than me. My cheeks is much chubbier than hers. but we're both are slim. haha. We were born on almost the same date but she came out first and that was on March 1st while I was born on the next day which is March 2nd. That is the speacialty that brought us together until now. We're different but we love each other. The End.
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