White Lies Of Life

If there's a chance for me to go back ...
and erase all the painful memories... I will definitely try to run for it ...

but how can it be? since you will never understand the sadness I had to go through to make you happy ...

where's the life you promised me ? The ones you told me that would be ours forever to keep ...

why did you leave ? Because long ago you said to me that you will never abandoned me ...

Is this the reward that you promised me ? Is this the life you wanted for me ? Is this the truth or just your practical jokes for me ? what is this ...

I'm not going to tell you how crushed I am about all this ... I'm not the one who should tell you that this is all wrong ... Because you want it ...
Because you're the one who asked for it ! Tell me something I don't know ! Maybe the love you hide, maybe the life you had before, or maybe a false truth you'd told me all this time we've been together ...

Why the hell you want me here ? If this is the end then why ... for heaven sake ! WHY ?! Is this a cruel joke or something that you made up just to fool around ? I'm telling you ...

I hate you ... I tried to tell myself not to but I guess my instinct was right all the time ...
You were going to kill me ...

Letter For You

As for today, I would like to type some words for you. Today, I wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. For the faults I've done, for the tears I've shed & for the anger I raised. I was confused & I didn't know. I was looking for an answer, an answer that would put a stop to this madness we're creating. I was lost, I didn't know which way to go & I got lost in all the painful lies. I crashed & I couldn't get up by myself. I was hurt inside & can't seem to find a cure to make it better. I was losing everything yet I managed to tell myself ... " don't worry, just keep going ... it's nothing ... you'll be okay. "

But little do I know, I was wrong. I was an egoistic person. I don't want to lose. So I kept on running, running forward to nothing & leaving all the sadness behind. I was afraid, so afraid that the same thing will happen again & again. And I was right all the time. Somehow knowing that I was right wasn't such a good feeling after all. Because I was right about something that I wanted to avoid all my life, not getting near to it. It's not my my fault, it's not !

I thought I was a new person. I thought I've changed for the better & good. I thought I was strong. But I'm not, I'm not strong enough. I keep telling myself it was okay but it wasn't. Everything went wrong all at one place. Tears started to run down my cheeks. I couldn't help it. I was dying. I was fading ... and so I wrote this letter to you, to tell you how much I love you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry ...